Difficult life events are a challenge for our psyche and nervous system and might leave a painful scar, i.e. trauma. It does not mean that everyone is traumatized after going through something. With appropriate conditions and the support of our loved ones: family or friends, we can recover and regain a sense of security, joy and confidence in life. Unfortunately, without supportive circumstances, these traumas can remain in the psyche, in the reactivity of the nervous system and in the body's memory.
By observing difficult events or series of events that have the highest traumatic potential, it is possible to isolate their common features. All traumatic events pose a threat to life or health and result in a loss of sense of security; but it happens for different reasons and in different circumstances:
1. Too much, too fast - shock, overwhelm.
In a situation that overwhelms us something happens too much and too fast, often suddenly and unexpectedly. Under such circumstances the autonomic nervous system perceives the stimuli as life or health-threatening. Therefore, the survival instinct will trigger unconscious defensive or offensive patterns in a split second. Depending on our predispositions and without a conscious choice, we will explode to fight the threat, retreat in flight or freeze in shock and helplessness.
2. Feeling of loneliness, abandonment, betrayal.
In a situation where we feel very lonely, abandoned or betrayed, even a usual daily routine can be difficult. We feel like there is no one on Earth who can understand us, no solution exists, no one can help us. We lose contact with a feeling of agency and sense of worth. So with time we feel isolated, rejected, and ordinary life challenges can overwhelm us.
3. A lot for too long - burnout.
We are strong, full of vigour and enthusiasm. Challenges come in various areas of our lives. We're doing great at first. With each new challenge, we lose some enthusiasm, become more stressed and lose our confidence. If this situation lasts too long, challenges come faster than recovery and regeneration can occur, the risk of burning out appears. Even the smallest routine task can be the final straw.
4. Too little for too long - exhaustion.
In a situation in which we do something at our own expense. By choice or lack of choice. We enter a situation we do not have enough resources to deal with. In the short term it may be a good and the only possible solution to some issues and problems. In the long run it might lead to a feeling of being manipulated and used, to exhaustion, and even to resentment and chronic fatigue.
5. Feeling trapped.
In situations where there is no 'way out', where for various reasons we are forced or feel under pressure to behave in a way that contradicts our own values. An inner conflict might make us lose self-respect and lead to resignation, frustration and helplessness.
If your life experiences fit the descriptions above, you may still harbour resentment (toward yourself, toward your family or friends, or even toward the world) for what happened to you. This resentment might be a sign of trauma and might negatively impact your mental and emotional health. If you can't come to terms with some experiences and cope with them on your own, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It means that the circumstances were too difficult for one person and you need better tools and better support, maybe even a professional help.
When working with trauma, it is very important to understand that healing is a journey, and the ultimate goal of this journey is mental health and a state of emotional well-being in which a person feels good and authentic. And I wish us all such a supportive relationship with ourselves.
You can read more about the signs of recovery from traumatic experiences in my previous blog entry: Signs of recovery from traumatic experiences.
And below is a link to my video (with English subtitles):
Translated by: Galina Tarasiuk, Marta Ferenc.
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